Dating a Cousin | Futurescopes
And scientific geniuses like Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin married their cousins, too. But within a century, that had changed. By , married couples were, on average, more like seventh cousins, according to Erlich. One common sense explanation for this shift is that when transportation methods improved, bachelors and bachelorettes had access to potential partners they had once been denied by geography. This makes sense, given that before , most people stayed in place and ended up marrying someone who lived with in a six-mile radius of where they were born.
Other factors could be at play, however. Erlich says that, according to his data, many continued to marry their cousins even after the Industrial Revolution dramatically improved mobility. While proximity may be one key to romance, it seems consolidating money or power played an important part in family marriages, too. Erlich believes it was changing social norms—and the advent of this cousin marriage taboo—that finally pushed people to look beyond their village and their family.
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Other factors, including the increasing autonomy of women and shrinking family sizes which left fewer cousins to marry could also have been involved. Whatever the underlying cause, by the end of the Civil War , many states moved to outlaw cousin marriages. Today, 24 states ban marriage between first cousins, while 20 states allow it. The others allow first cousins to couple up, but only under certain circumstances. And, of course, even in states where it is legal, the practice is taboo.
Dark blue marks states, like California, where first-cousin marriage is legal. So if you are dating a cousin or wondering if you should, here are a few things to keep in mind. Potential for a consanguineous relationship A consanguineous relationship is one where the partners are related by blood or in other words descended from the same ancestor.
So even if you are casually dating a cousin, the potential is there for a consanguineous relationship. According to genetics, consanguinity is defined according to the amount of shared identical DNA or the genetic material between two individuals. In scientific terms, this refers to partners who share the inbreeding coefficient of F 0. For all practical purposes, consanguineous unions are defined as those which are contracted between biologically related second cousins or nearer.
Be prepared for an ambiguous response If you are dating your cousin, it is better you prepare yourself for a certain ambiguity in response from friends and acquaintances. While it is none of their business who you are seeing, the fact that you are dating a cousin may raise a few eyebrows and lead to whispers all around. This is because a relationship with a blood relative is considered undesirable or at least odd in many societies. Even though it is not taboo as an incestuous relationship, still dating a cousin may subject you and your partner to some uncomfortable questions.
However the most difficult reaction could come from your families. It could come as a shock to your parents — and those of your dates — when they realize that their children are dating their cousins. Members of the same extended family being in a romantic relationship is not particularly a pleasant thought and there could be strong pressure from your parents — and your extended family — to stop seeing your cousin. I forgot we have arranged that?
She never appeared again.
But 2 months passed and she sent me "Happy birthday" for one of my parents, and her message had lots of hearts. She asked me "What have you arranged for these days" and that is how we started going out again, mostly watching movies. Anyway, there are around 3 guys that she has met since then and was occasionally having sex with them.
But she doesn't feel like going into serious relationship into any of those. All of them are dump heads in brain with low I. They are totally uneducated, with few interests, low level of knowledge in pretty much anything, doing low level jobs, so compared to me, having studies and jobs feels like a major plus. As for the last days, we also went out around 2 times with friends. She didn't kiss him or even touch him.
They were like friends. And after he left, she told me in private "That was the guy that I was telling you" probably the first guy that she had sex with after her long relationship. The two of us went also out for dinner twice. She also told me that a friend of mine is sending her PMs on Facebook and asks her to go out. And she said "So what do you say? Shall I go out with him?
I replied "Why do you ask me? Facebook transfer value is growing huge girl! I don't know if all those people are really flirting me. I even have messages from people that forgot I existed, just because they saw a photo of me". And I said "Oh yeah, sure they do flirt you! Indeed, they send you PMs when they are totally single and horny! That's what men do! Then I replied "Ha I should tell you something else now but I won't". Her friend was next to us.
She laughed, we didn't say something else! The bottom line is this. Since the start of the week and after I see that more and more guys flirt with her and she is not doing something serious with them, I instantly invited to go out with her, first for a special dinner and then in a bar for a romantic dinner. She said the usual stuff "We will see up to then". I was talking with an other girl on Facebook, a little cute, but a 6. So I said to myself "I am not a weak guy to wait, I have options.
So am I going out with the cousin this time or go for the young girl just for sex? I am already hiding my feelings for like 2 years and I can't hide them anyore. If I keep doing it I will go deep into the friendzone.
There are 3 options:. So I decided to choose No. The good stuff is that she likes to go out with me a lot and rarely says no. She also always doing the move to kiss me in cheeks first, and finally we have even made plans to go on vacation together on summer and even abroad! We know each other for 2 years, we haven't grown up together just to be so much comfort.
Also, vacation with me, means By having me living with her? Looks like a small IOI here. Also, judging from the way she touches me and she hugs me and looks at me in the eyes, I see that she must be interested. When we were going out she was feeling sleepy, so she put her head on my shoulders twice.
Once in the metro and once when we were outside. Is this considered as normal for cousins that have grown up together and don't date? The bad thing is that a few times she talks about the guys that flirt with her on Facebook. She has mentioned them like three or four times and this seems as a sign for friendzone. Also, on Facebook sometimes she replies instantly and sometimes it takes several hours for her.
So I am really confused. Possible quote for kissing: A "Are you good at keeping secrets? That's the best scenario. I can't imagine the worst being humiliated in my whole family for instance. I love your thread JohnArg! I read your entry multiple times, just so you know. And I really do understand where you are coming from Do you really like her? That's a general question with a yes or no answer.
But before you answer, let me qualify what I want to really ask. It is obvious that you are attracted to her. She is hot, year old, she takes care of herself, awesome physically that would really make you "hrrrnnnng" Know what I'm sayin?! Add to that the fact that she is extroverted, full of energy and smiles and just have that I bet she smells good too.
You don't need to confirm it -- I know you feel this way. You mentioned that she is the one you would like to have as a girlfriend. If that's the case, what's stopping you? That's why I ask: I mean, what do you want to happen in all seriousness with her? You got about three options: Do you want to have a long term relationship with her? Or probably just to have a "short-term-fling". Or have the latter and see if it can develop to the former?
Or what's your deal, really? Now until this answer is resolved within you, my answer to you will vary. You have to be clear first if you just want to "slay" her or "make her your wife" or "just be her girlfriend" or somewhere along those lines All of which, by the way have pros and cons.. And so as a guy, you gotta come clean within you first.
So from this point, I will make a solid assumption.
It really is OK to fancy your cousin
I assume that you just want to 'slay' her And I believe that my assumption is valid because:. I mean, mentioning IOI's sounds at least to me not the "traditional way of courting" or the "classical approach" and somewhere along those lines and but rather how the "current dating dynamics" are being played out; 3 She is not looking for anything serious and I bet as a guy you wouldn't too! Try your best to be a jerk I know that it might hurt you more than her but you are a guy -- so deal with it. If something you do will hurt you "10 units", if it hurts her "5 units", just freaking do it.
Be an annoyance to her.
For example, call her names. You actually did a good job in calling her out and poking her but make sure you do it "tug" her emotions. Hurt her one time then comfort her the next time. Call her a "slut" for example. Rock the boat a little bit.. Then let's see what happens. Remember that she loved jerks before. So she will repeat that. She has a jerk ex and you would want to be the "adventurous jerk", not the friend. Doing something scandalous might help you.
And so use your being cousins to your advantage. There is the "taboo" feeling associated with cousin couples and you can use that for her to "rebel" and so she will go with you and you can do what you do best as a "man". You can now go from there. In other words, don't put out the best vacation arrangement from your end.
Make her work for it if she really wants to go with you. You provide a budget then work from there. Make sure that you don't spend a lot for her. What you want is not the vacation after all but everything that is her "physically" keeping it PG You know what you are doing, my friend You are right on track. I suggest removing the "Do you always see me as a cousin, or something more?
Make her feel that she is a woman and you are a man.
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Grab her on her waist and pull her neck close to you. Make sure that she is not in the "guy 1,2,3" thinking mood on that moment. Of course, afterwards, she will still desire the attention of those guys and so on and so forth.. And from this point, we ie. Know what I am saying? She is 23, she feels that she is hot and desirable and like that. Remember the man rule: If you don't make a move to her, somebody else will. So you know, you might as well join the party..
Remember how hot she is again?! Keep the physical escalation on "acceptable level" but ask questions like, "Where do you like to be touched? Probably she likes to have a shoulder massage or a back rub or something like that -- and it's gonna be a win-win. The end result that she can be a good fwb with you, a good arrangement that you would like to have for at least 3 years. If you got that, then you are a winner.
By the way, don't worry about being being humiliated in your whole family because that won't happen. Remember that she wants a bad boy?! She won't tell anybody, dude And for that, so what!? Your inner response would be, "Well, she's hot and I am attracted to her, what should a man do!? It's not like you can hold on these things, eh? You simply just approach her and you find her attractive and would want some quality action emphasis added. She won't tell your aunt her mom ; after all, she haven't told her that she's sleeping with multiple guys in the first place, right? She, making a scandalous move and going ballistic in Thanksgiving dinner like, "Heeey everyone!
I just like everybody to know that JohnArg has been hitting on me!! That is impossible to happen. If she catches "feelings" for you and be girlfriend-ish , well